The Living Diary: Selfish
by Lovely Hill
Summary: Michelle couldn't even make it one month into her Summer break when she realized things would never be the same at home. With a heavy heart, she decided to spend the rest of her break at Iris Academy. With nothing else to do but explore, she uncovers dark secrets behind the creation of the school, and begins a journey that will forever change her.
1. Rapunzel Hair and the Extremely Short

**The Living Diary: Selfish**  
**Chapter One:** Rapunzel Hair and the Extremely Short Prologue

* * *

My hair was long. Longer than Minnie Cochran's, though I could never get it to fall into perfect waves like hers did. My hair was mostly straight, with a handful of scattered waves throughout. Perhaps Minnie's flawless hair was one of the many reasons she was placed into Butterfly Hall. Regardless, my hair swept below my knees. As a child, my favorite fairy tale princess was Rapunzel, so I refused haircuts whenever possible. I wanted to be her.

As I got into track and field, it became an issue but no one could make me part with my Rapunzel hair. I made due with some complex braids, all twirled into a bun. It was huge on my head, and I'm sure it hindered my performance, but I always managed to do well.

My point is, I loved my hair, and everyone who knows me knows that.

Maybe that's why I decided to cut it off. Oh no, I didn't pull a midlife crises and go bald. It falls neatly at my lower back, still an acceptably long length. I also dyed it platinum blonde, a stark difference from its natural sun kissed red color.

I had hoped it would get a reaction from my parents. Before Iris Academy, their jaws would have dropped. My mom might have even fainted. But since my life as a witch began, they just seem so unfazed around me. Like I only exist when they see me. The curse of being a wildseed. And so as I walked through the door of my home, fresh from the salon with my new hair, all I got was a simple nod from my father.

"Ah, new hair?" He said from the couch where he was watching golf.

"Yeah," I replied, biting my lip and trying to hide my disappointment.

"Looks nice." He smiled and returned to his tournament.

My mother's reaction was even less involved.

"Oh look at that. It's cute. Hey, do you want meatloaf or hamburgers for dinner?"

"Hamburgers."

"Okay, I'll call you when it's done."

It was many little things piled on top of one another. The times they forgot my favorite color, or who my childhood best friend was. The moments they looked at me with eyes glazed over before clarity struck and they smiled at me. But I supposed getting rid of my Rapunzel hair and not even the smallest amount of fuss on their end made me realize things were never going to be the same around them. I love them and I know that in the pockets of lucidness they have, they love me too. But what is a family that can't remember you?

So as my mother cooks hamburgers, the smell of browning beef wafting to my room, I grab a piece of stationary and a pen.

_Dear Professor Potsdam,_

_I know it's the first month of the summer, but I think I want to spend the rest of the break at the Academy._  
_And could you please-_

Tears well up in my eyes. But I need to do this. It'll be better for everyone in the long run.

_- make my mother and father forget about me._

_Thank you,_  
_Michelle Temple-_

And just to make it more official and serious.

_Michelle Temple- Grabiner_

* * *

_Dearest Michelle,  
_  
_I'm so sorry to hear your decision. It is always a tough choice for the wildseeds.  
_  
_Iris Academy will always welcome you with open arms. Simply have everything you need packed by the 4th of June at 2 O'clock sharp, and we'll teleport you here safely and take care of your parents after. Ellen has been informed of your pending arrival and will expect you at that time. I'm guessing you two will want to remain roommates.  
_  
_Should you change your mind, let me know as soon as you can.  
_  
_- Petunia Potsdam_  
_P.S Hieronymous doesn't know yet. I want it to be a surprise for him! He'll be so thrilled!  
_  
I roll my eyes at the last part as I reread the letter, but it doesn't diffuse the pit forming in my stomach. It's the 4th of June and a quarter until two. I sit in my room, the things I need for school and by extension, my new life, boxed up neatly at my side. Feeling antsy, I find myself walking downstairs to the living room where I can hear my parents talking idly about some sort of vacation.

"Hey mom and dad." I smile weakly. They stare at me, their eyes in that near constant glaze before they widen and smile back.

"Oh hey honey!" My mother says in her usual chipper tone. "Your father and I were saying how we should all take another trip to New York! Wouldn't that be fun?"

My heart is breaking.

"Yeah, totally." I put on my best smile and wrap my arms around her. "I love you, mom."

I scoot over to my dad and hug him as well. "You too, dad. You guys are the best parents ever."

"Woah, what brought this on?" My father laughs, but hugs me back anyway.

"Oh nothing. I just wanted to let you know." I smile and go back to my room.

I stare at the wall, the murmuring of my parents still in the distance.

And then I'm no longer staring at my wall. I can no longer hear my parents. I'm in my dorm room at Iris Academy.

"Michelle?" Ellen smiles at me, but her eyes are sad.

"Hey," I say back. But the tears are already coming out. I vaguely feel Ellen hugging me.

* * *

**A/N:** I wasn't lying when I said this prologue would be short. Most future chapters will be longer. This is yet another MC/Grabiner tale because really, who doesn't love that couple? I'll have the next chapter out soon. To be quite honest, I'm not sure where this story is going. I hope it's somewhere fun, with all-you-can-drink beer. There will be some Grabiner interactions in the next chapter. See ya!

EDIT: I changed her name! Why? Because I wanted to.


	2. Soulless

**The Living Diary: Selfish**  
**Chapter Two: Soulless **

* * *

"Well your hair looks lovely. I mean, I like your natural hair, but this isn't bad either!" Ellen manages to say after I tell her why my ginger locks are gone.

"I should have gone with golden blonde hair, like yours or my mother's. Give it some definition. But no, the stylist said platinum would be best for my complexion. I didn't know she'd make near white." I sigh a little while I place a stack of books on my desk. Ellen is helping me unpack all the boxes that were teleported with me. Well, helping is an understatement. She's out right organizing everything while I empty the boxes. I don't mind though, and neither does she. Her keen eye for organization is something that can't be matched.

"Well, it does look nice against your skin. It makes your freckles stand out, which is nice considering how light they are." She offers.

I frown and toss a strand of hair over my shoulder. It only makes my freckles stand out because my hair blends into my pale skin. But Ellen is trying to cheer me up, so I relent a little.

"Thanks, Ellen," I say with a small smile. "So how's your summer so far?"

"Oh, it's been quite good! I've been keeping in touch with Virginia and Donald through letters." I see her blush at the mention of her boyfriend, and it makes me grin. "I've been reading, too. I'm looking into magic theory!" She smiles excitedly while my eyebrows furrow in concern. After all, it was that kind of curiosity that nearly got her expelled and her mind wiped clean. She notices my expression and simply laughs. "Nothing bad like last time. I believe I'm acting within the realms of 'appropriate' curiosity this time around."

"Well good. I don't want another close encounter like that camera business from last year. What are you looking into?"

"Mana. Everything about the energy source that makes us witches. Where it comes from, how it's passed on, how it can appear in a bloodline that previously had none. It's teetering on the edge of scientific reasoning, but I've managed to stay clear of technology. I check in with Professor Potsdam, and occasionally Professor Grabiner so I know I'm headed in the right direction."

Ah yes, Hieronymous did tell me in his most recent letter that Ellen was doing some form of research project. Just the sound of his name is enough to make me blush.

"And speaking of Professor Grabiner," she says with the slightest outline of a smirk, "how are you two?"

I laugh as I flatten a newly emptied box. "We wrote each other a few times while I was back home. Nothing steamy, just updates and what not."

"You really like him, don't you?" Ellen says, a little more seriously this time. "Does he even know you're here?"

"No, he doesn't. This was all pretty sudden. I'll talk to him soon. And well, yeah, I like him. I actually enjoy his attention and company. And also, the kiss and what not. I know it wasn't romantic," I say and bite my lip. Ellen and Virginia are the only people I told about the kiss Hieronymous and I shared before school ended. I was going to keep it a secret, but they had gotten so close to me, I felt like I would have betrayed their trust if I didn't. Plus, I felt like my heart would implode under the weight of my own giddiness if I didn't let someone know. "But it was there and he didn't have to do that. It was friendly though, like a hello. Don't Europeans greet each other with a kiss? I'm sure this is a one way feeling. I'm getting divorced in January, for sure."

Ellen nods and says, "Well you still are young. Perhaps that's for the best? If it's meant to be, it'll be one day?"

I smile and hug her again. "I'm so happy you're here." I pat her shoulder as I walk to another box and open it. Inside, I see the photo album I put together before it's filled with photos of my family I couldn't part with. I don't think I can deal with that right now, so I set the box aside and unload the rest.

"You've packed a lot!" Ellen exclaims when we're done. It didn't take nearly as long as I thought it would, though that's mostly due to Ellen's pathological need for organization.

"Yeah I figured since I'm being teleported here, I'll pack on the heavier side," I say and smile sheepishly. "I guess I got carried away."

"What about that box?" She points to the box with the photo album in it.

"Oh those are just... mementos, trinkets… memories. I'll put that away later." I push it under my desk.

"Well, now that our room is in order, would you like have some dinner?"

"Yes, that sounds perfect."

* * *

Without the distraction of unpacking, thoughts of my parents sweep back in. It's like I'm watching a film of my life in crystal clear images. I can see the cheerful looks on their faces when they greet me in the morning, the way my mother used to laugh at my dad's incredibly lame jokes, and the way my dad would glance over at my mother when she wasn't looking, his face in perfect content happiness. I can barely eat and opt to move the peas and mashed potatoes around my plate to make a frowning face. The food at school actually isn't too bad, and I love the mashed potatoes, but I just don't have the heart to stomach them. Ellen notices that. After we're done, we go back to our room where I collapse on my bed and curl up. Ellen knows I'd want to be alone and so she goes to the library for more research after she squeezes my shoulder reassuringly.

Summer days are long, and even though it's nearly seven o clock, it's still bright out. The room is pleasantly warm, but I've snuggled under my blanket where I feel secure. I cast cooling spells in the room so I don't get too hot. I've missed the feeling of magic coursing through my veins.

I decide I've moped enough for one day and search for Professor Potsdam, just to let her know I've settled in nicely, and to see how my parents are doing. I should probably also make my presence known to my husband. I change into a light blue, floral print dress that falls neatly below my knees. Because school isn't in session, casual clothes are permitted to students who aren't taking summer classes.

As I'm about to leave the room, I look back to the sole unpacked box and grab the photo album and an additional book from within.

The door to Professor Potsdam's office is just like her: it's sunny, decorated in vibrant patterns and prints. I smile just a bit before knocking.

"Come in!" I hear her cheery voice call from within.

Before I open the door, I leave the photo album and book outside. I don't want to explain that to her.

"Hello, Professor Potsdam." I give her a small, courteous smile.

"Oh hello, my little fawn!" She gets up from her desk, which is decorated in an array of floral picture frames and knick-knacks. "Oh my, that hair!"

I chuckled a bit at her reaction. "Oh yeah, I uh… wanted a change."

"It looks lovely, my dear. Are you settling in fine?"

"I am, thank you. And thank you for the teleport. It must have taken a lot of energy."

"Oh it's no problem! We usually just fly our students in, but considering how sudden this all was, I figured you could do without the jet lag. I'm sorry for your parents, dear, but hopefully it will all turn out for the best."

"Thank you. How are they, anyhow?" I can feel a lump in my throat growing.

"They're good! All memories of you have been erased. Pictures you were in either altered with you removed, or destroyed completely. Anyone who can remember you, even for a moment, has now forgotten. It's as though you were never there."

"That sounds so complicated." I say, and then my thoughts return to the photo album sitting in the hallway. "Wait, all the pictures of me? What if I brought some?" I panic.

"Oh those should be fine. So long as they're in the possession of a magic being, they shall be free from that spell."

"Good." I say, relieved. "Well, I just wanted to let you know I got here safely, and that I'm thankful for your help."

"You're too sweet!" She hugs me and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. "Have you informed Hieronymous of your arrival?"

"Oh, no. Not yet. I've been unpacking. I'm going to do that now. Is he in his room?"

"Yes, yes! Go little bird!" She beams at me and shoos me out of her office. "And do stop by again soon! I want to know how you and Hieronymous are doing!" I laugh and nod my head as she closes the door to her office.

The professor's offices aren't far from their boarding rooms. Having been inside Hieronymous's already, I know the professors' lodging is rather nice. Hieronymous even has a small kitchen and his own bathroom. They're really like small houses. I walk through the familiar halls and I find myself there in no time.

I stand in front of the pristine white door, my breath steady. I don't know why it's so hard to face him. I quickly fluff my hair and pinch my cheeks for a little color. Heaven knows I need it. I knock quickly, to get it over with.

"Who is it?" I hear his deep voice rumble from inside.

"Michelle? Temple?" My voice is uneasy.

There's a brief pause before I hear him say, "Come in."

I open the door, and I see Hieronymous standing in the corner of his personal library. His back is turned to me, and it looks like he's putting a rather large book away.

"I didn't know you had returned, though that explains why I never received a letter back from our most recent exchange," he says and he turns around. Upon looking at me, he looks slightly taken aback, which means in normal people body language, he was shocked. "And I see you've… changed your hair?"

There's a pause before I figure out what I want to say. "I hate it." I suppose I could have been a little more eloquent.

"Then why did you do it?" He asks, eyebrow slightly quirked up.

"Because I loved my hair. I loved it so much. I loved its length, its texture, and even its color! Sure, kids made fun of me for being a ginger and I was constantly told I had no soul," I breathe in quickly and I see him looking rather confused, but I ignore it and continue. "But that's okay because my hair was beautiful. It was mine. Anyone who knows me knows I love my hair. I know I sound ridiculous because in the end, it's just hair. But it was _my_ hair."

"While that all seems… counter intuitive to cutting it and dying it. I'm assuming this little tirade isn't about your hair." He sighed and offered me a seat on what appears to be his dining room table. I place the album and book on the table. He takes a seat on the chair next to mine and glances at me, waiting for me to continue.

I can talk about my hair for days. It's trivial. It doesn't mean anything. But when I try to talk about my parents, the people that actually matter, my mouth stays still. Though Hieronymous is my husband in magic law, he's not in practice and this is personal. But I breathe and I try to let go.

"My parents were ignoring me," it's a good start, though my heart is heavy. "I figured being at home for an entire summer would help them remember me a little more, but it just seemed to get worse. It was like I didn't exist unless I was directly in front of them. Out of sight, out of mind." Like a domino effect, the words cascade out. Despite having talked to Ellen about all of this mere hours ago, it's still raw. "Before the magic, if I had cut my hair this noticeably and bleached it this atrocious color, they would have stopped everything they were doing and made a huge deal out of it. But now… My dad barely looked away from the T.V and my mom was more concerned with dinner." I laugh a little. "It seems like such a stupid reason… but I don't know. They just didn't feel like my parents anymore. So I had them forget about me. And now I'm here."

"Ah, I see." I hear him say at last. "The wildseed always have it harder than usual."

I remain quite for a moment. I look at him, but he's currently staring at some invisible spot on the table. Other than that, he looks fairly relaxed, which makes me feel better, like I'm not wasting his time.

"I'm an only child." I sigh a little before shaking my head. "I'm so selfish."

"What makes you say that?"

"I'm an only child. My parents loved being parents. They loved kids. They constantly talked about grandchildren. My dad wanted to build tree houses for my kids. My mom wanted to knit blankets for them. They never stopped talking about that, and I took that away from them."

Hieronymous is quiet, and the silence is thick. But I hear the deep rumble of his voice say, "they can't miss something they won't remember."

"No. But I'll remember. I didn't have to choose magic. I could have chosen them, and I didn't. I made the selfish choice. In my head, I just couldn't give up the feeling that magic gives me. The ability to transport objects to different places, the heal myself, to read minds, control the temperature of a room. I didn't want to give that up. I'm a horrible person. I gave up my loving parents."

The gravity of the confession hits me hard and I find myself crying again. My nose is running and my eyes are probably bloodshot. I'm not the picture of loveliness, but I don't care. I'm hurt.

"I'm sorry." I mumble. I feel a handkerchief being slipped into my hands. I feel the warmth of his palm over my fingers, and it lingers there for just a second too long before he retracts.

"Thank you." I dab my eyes and wipe my nose.

"You're not horrible," he says after he lets me compose myself. "I'm sure not many people can give up magic willingly when they discover it within them."

"I'm terrible, and I'm stuck with this really terrible hair." I say the last part jokingly, and manage a small smile as I look at Hieronymous. His expression is as unreadable as usual. I look back down, but I feel warm fingers lift my chin back up, ever so gently. I look at Hieronymous, his eyes peering over me stoically.

"Well, your hair is still long, and probably more practical. And the color isn't too horrible. They make your freckles stand out."

I blush a little. He's being kind, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. "That's what Ellen said."

He nods and pauses for a moment, before adding, "And they make your eyes brighter. Though, that could be the redness from the tears."

I laugh a bit and turn away from his touch. "Thanks. Sorry, I didn't intend to pour my heart out," I say once I'm released. I look at the book I've brought over, and run my hands over the leather bound cover. "I actually came here to give this to you. And to let you know I was here."

"'A Compilation of the Poems and Stories of Edgar Allen Poe.'" He reads aloud and looks at me for an explanation.

"I know you probably have a nicer version of it in your old library, but this one is special to me. It was one of my dad's favorite books. Mine too. He used to read me some of the stories and poems before bed when I was a kid."

"Your father used to read you Edgar Allen Poe when you were a child?" His voice is slightly unnerved.

"Not the insanely creepy ones! Things like Annabel Lee and what not. He mostly read Hans Christian Anderson, but I'm keeping that book. Anyway, that's a birthday present to you. Happy birthday."

"It's not my birthday."

"I know. Well, I don't actually know when your birthday is. But I figure you have one, and this is for then." I smile.

I see his eyes lift for just a second before he says, "November seventeenth, and thank you for this gift. I shall keep it safe."

"You're welcome! Mine is June twenty-eighth, just F.Y.I. You know, in case you wanted to get me something shiny and expensive"

"Yes, I am aware of your birthdate." He rolls his eyes slightly.

"How do you know that?" I tilt my head.

"I'm a professor. We know trivial details about students."

"Hey, knowing your wife's birthday isn't a trivial detail."

"Ah yes, we're married. In my happiest moments, I occasionally forget."

I shoot him a mildly offended look, but there's that tiny hint of jest laced in is words, and I can't help but smile. His eyebrow twitches up. It's so subtle, I think I may have imagined it. There's an odd look in his eyes, but before I can figure out what it is, he turns to look at the photo album sitting on the table.

"What is that?"

"Oh! I swiped a few photos from the family albums. Just so I can remember them! I wanted to show you a few. I know this isn't a fully legit marriage, but that's no reason we can't get to know each other." I glance at Hieronymous, and he doesn't look opposed to the idea. Considering the only emotion he fully shows is distaste, I can only assume he's willing to work with me.

I open to the first photo. "Oh, this picture was taken right after they found out they were pregnant with me." I see my parents smiling back at the camera, my dad's arm wrapped around my mother's waist. There's the slightest hint of worry in their eyes, but it's mostly excitement. Upon looking at my parents, it's so very clear I'm their daughter, though I do take after my dad a little more. I have my dad's red hair and pale skin. My mom is a golden haired beauty. I didn't inherit all of her good looks, but I did get her vibrant green eyes and light freckles.

"They look very young." Hieronymous says after looking over the photograph.

"They were high school sweethearts, and they had me when they were twenty. I'm the reason they got married so young." I turn the page. "See? I was the flower girl at their wedding. I could barely walk at the time. Halfway down the aisle, I stumbled down and just crawled the rest of the way." I point to another picture of me crawling down the aisle, flower petals strewn about sloppily.

"I win though. I got married younger and I'm not even pregnant."

The typically stone composed look on Hieronymous's face falters a bit and I laugh.

There's only twenty or so pictures, and I only stop to describe a few: a vacation to New York when I was 6, holding my first place medal for track and field with my parents at my side, and the three of us standing in front of a T-rex skeleton at a local museum. All the while, Hieronymous simply listens with anchored attention until I close the album. I thank him for listening and he nods gently.

I stare at him for a moment before leaning in a bit; I just want to get closer to him. But I see him peering at me, as unreadable as ever, and I stop myself. Instead, I pick up the album and hold it in my arms.

"I should get going now."

"Yes, it's getting late." He holds the book I gave him delicately in his hands and leads me to the door.

"It's only eight thirty, but I suppose that's late for an old man." I smirk.

"Or a small child, like yourself." He counters coolly, the corner of his lip turned slightly upward.

"Oh touché, Mr. Grabiner."

"Good night, Miss Temple."

"Mrs. Grabiner." I correct.

"Don't push your luck, Michelle." He says before glancing at the book in his arm. "And thank you again for the book. Though, are you sure you wish to part with it. It seems quite precious to you."

"It is, but considering how old some of the books in your collection are, and that they're in pristine condition, I figure my father's book is safest in your care." I smile a genuine one. For a second, I can almost see a ghost of one on his lips as well, but I could have also been hallucinating it.

"I shall take care of it."

"Thank you." I pause before going through the door he's opened for me. "So uh, do you think I could come over and talk some more? You know, now that we don't have to write letters anymore. Because I'm here?"

He eyes me for a moment before breathing out, "I suppose so. Just knock before you enter."

I beam at him and bid him a good night before slipping outside the door, but before I make it across the threshold, he asks hesitantly, "why would people think you have no soul because of your hair color?"

I look at him and barely contain my laughter. "It's a weird… non magic people thing I guess. Some people like to say those with red or orange hair are soulless. I don't get it either."

Hieronymous nods, but still looks confused and I simply grin and shrug.

"Oh well, good night!" And I nearly skip back to my room.

I walk inside, and I see Ellen gathering a few toiletries to wash up before bed.

"Oh, I was wondering where you went. I assume you've talked to Professor Grabiner?" She gives me her know all look.

"That obvious?" I try to stifle the stupid grin on my face.

"Well considering you turn into a flustering school girl around him, yes. Also, you weren't wearing that dress for dinner, and I know you. You don't do that for just anyone." She chuckles before adding, "So what did you two talk about?"

"Oh just my family. My summer. I showed this album to him, it's pictures of my family. You're welcome to look through it too!" I hand it to her and she smiles.

"I'd love to!"

"Hey, if you're heading to the bathroom, I'm coming with. I could wash this day off me."

Ellen nods and places the album on my desk as I gather my supplies. I push the last box with my foot and remember one thing.

"Oh! This is for you!" I say as I open the box and toss her a volleyball. Ellen's face lights up with excitement.

"Really? For me?" She says as she gently throws it in the air.

"Yeah, I got it right before I came here. I figured you and I could do a little one versus one before lunch tomorrow." Ellen's very good at volleyball, but unfortunately, we played soccer the most in sports club.

"That sounds lovely!" Ellen says as she places the ball on her desk chair and hugs me.

"Hey, we gotta keep up with Virginia! From what she's written me, she's been training nonstop!" We both laugh and make our way to the hall's bathroom.

I may not have my parents anymore, but I have Ellen and when school starts again, I'll have Virginia too. I also have Hieronymous, at least until January, but I can savor that as long as it lasts.

* * *

**A/N:** See, I promised this chapter would be longer. Please excuse any errors in grammar or spelling. Also, excuse the OOC Grabiner. It's bound to happen. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this! Also, I finally know where this story is going.

Any feedback would be great! Thanks for reading!


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